this blog has 3 parts. the good, the bad, and the life changing. it is up to you to decide which is which, and i can't stress how absolutely vital and important each one is to read. these things will change your life. i mean it. it will be long. it is so so so so so worth it.
today was the most intense day of training. the most information, the most important, the most heartbreaking, the most life changing. i simply can't convey that in a blog, nor have i fully processed and absorbed the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart. it will be a long road to come to the place where i understand today.
The first part was a talk from a man named Jedidiah. For those of you reading this who know him, it's self explanatory. Jed has a reputation for being wholeheartedly and absolutely invested in each person he meets on tour, so much so that he remembered me after meeting me one time at the rescue in santa monica (which if you were there, you know the total chaos that came with it). his talk was about just that: investing in people. This gripped me immediately, because i KNOW i have a heart for investing in people. in their story, in their hearts, in their lives. it's what makes me whole. and for an entire semester, i was told over and over each and every day that there is such a thing as investing too much and giving too much to one person, to one campaign, to one relationship. i was forced to believe this.
when you start to believe something you are told that goes against the truths you hold in your heart, it will break you.
today, i was redeemed. you can never invest too much. you can impact so many people's lives by investing in them, even if it ends up being negative and hurts you. you never will know how you may have changed that person. he spoke about insecurities, and how it is destroying us in every way possible. he spoke of his own, how he feels his love is devalued because it is so freely given. every word spoken was a much needed truth directly to my heart. which in itself, was an investment. here are the things he spoke to me.
1. Insecurity is the ultimately poision to humanity. Freeing yourself of those insecurities and that comparison frees your ability to love people, and let them love you. It will free your true personality.
2. "The love I have to give is not devalued just because it is given so freely to everyone, with the same intensity. It is unique and important and special to each and every person, I just may not always feel like it is appreciated as much as it really should be.
3. You are robbing Invisible Children of something they deeply need if you are not who you truly are.
Obviously that last one applies mostly to the interns working here, but it applies to any scenario in life. You are where you are for a reason. You bring something unique and special to the table that nobody else in the room will, and if you pretend to be anything else than that you are robbing people of that one thing. Think about that. That was a big one for me to think about, and even bigger to attempt to accept. It gives value and purpose to those who feel like they are nothing, because it shows us that no matter what it is, we are something. fjakdfjakfdlda. i needed that.
Next, I struggled. Hard. Laren gave us the history of the war part 2. My heart broke over and over again for these people. Everything gets messy, it gets complicated, you find out that key officials living in exile in countries like the united states-YES the united states-and england are funding the LRA because of a deeply rooted political bitterness. (I will devote an entire blog simply to the war itself, I promise--I've studied it for two straight nights now) It hurts my heart. Then reading articles about the conflicts in Sudan and the Congo and CAR and learning that they are rooted in the same types of issues, with the very same problems, makes me feel very powerless. They've had us practice over and over being confronted with the question "what makes you think you can end this war?" when we have to humbly answer, we don't know. But we have to try. It's overwhelming to know that ending this war in Uganda may not guarantee another will not start. It makes you feel worthless. And this is where I hit the wall. Even though we feel powerless, we are given our purpose and our job and our focus for this tour. Now, while all the details can't be revealed--we have a very different focus for this tour invisible children has not pursued in this past, and we now have a political stake in our pursuits. when Laren revealed what we are supporting and what we are pushing, I blatantly disagreed. (More details later, when we are allowed to discuss this publically) Absolutely disagreed. How can I stand before people, pushing this bill, asking for their money, when I myself--as a Christian, which is my main issue--disagree? I talked to a staff member who was a former roadie named Nate, and he told me that he literally had a plane ticket in his hand to quit his job and leave because of these same reservations. I asked what changed his mind. He gave me two things.
1. Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Google it. Read it. Anything you can. It's fantastic.
2. He talked about sacrifice. If we believe in this cause, and believe in this greater good of helping these kids--(and more specifically for me, rebuilding our 11 partner schools), Margy's deeper yes, then there will be times when we have to sacrifice ourselves, our own pursuits and our own agendas and lay aside our own reservations or we will not see these kids come home. Nate said, "If I do something that stops or hinders these efforts because I disagree politically, another child will die."
It's something I'm still very much struggling with and very much wrestling with. And I expect to for awhile. Which is such such such a good challenge. One I'm ready for.
********THIS PART WILL CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE. READ THIS.************
Finally, the last session of the day was a talk directly from Jason Russell called "The ABCDs of Life and the Power of Your Story". For anyone not aware, Jason is one of the founders of IC as well as a filmmaker responsible for all the life changing media. I can't paraphrase this talk at ALL, so I'm just going to post some key quotes he gave us that REALLY spoke to my heart. And he used music. Which always gets huge points with me. I recorded the whole talk, if anyone wants to hear the entire thing. I highly suggest it.
This is a very powerful man, a very very amazing man--who took the time to speak to each of us. And came before us as someone humble and vulnerable (I mean, he cried. Several times. And showed us his cheesy proposal video. And introduced us to his children. Oh--and talked about his sex life, but that's a different story.) We can all learn so much from Jason's story, and yet his point was how every single person can talk the Jason out of Jason's and make that same sentence.
With that, here are his influential quotes.
You are more than you think you are.
He said this at least 5 times. Made me cry.
Our childhood fears and young adult pains are the hardest to get over. What happens to you at this age shapes the way you see your world.
Jason shared a lot with us about his struggle with depression, and his struggle to find meaning and purpose not only within the world--but within himself, and how he considered what he called "tragically final" options. For obvious reasons, many of you will understand why this spoke to me so deeply. To see that this man, who is very much like me, and faced very much the same walls I have, is changing the world. In so many ways. And he said,
When you start looking outside your own broken heart, your heart starts to be fulfilled.
ajfdkfdkfklafja oh my goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what a perfect quote. wow. I can't stress it enough. He then said, "As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others". He talked a lot about how the only thing ever stopping us from doing what we want is fear, and how until we get over that fear we cannot truly help anyone else because we are not fully embracing who we are.
Jason encouraged me to know the answer to who I am and use that to change the world. I am now on that road. It was a direct challenge from a man who once struggled to find that place. And that is where I leave you. I am now on the path to finding out and knowing who I am, and what I am going to do in this world. My story, after being told for an entire semester how bad and devastating it was, how wrong, how broken, how "sick", how different I was, I am now being taught to embrace those struggles--that intense battle--the ultimate end from that, and the lessons learned. I am not ashamed of my story. This is who I am. Eventually, in some way, I will use it to change the world--even if just for one single person.
I challenge you to do the same.
Jason left us with a CS Lewis quote. The final point in Mere Christianity.
As long as your own personality is what you are bothering about you are not going to Him at all. The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether. Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it.
Borderline or not, our personalities are given to us by God and are uniquely our own. But as long as we are looking for them, we will not find it. We will hit the same walls over and over. Once we stop looking to find ourselves, and pour ourselves into something else--helping someone else--changing life for kids in Uganda--THATS when our true personalities and our true selves will be revealed to us. That's so exciting.
today was the most intense day of training. the most information, the most important, the most heartbreaking, the most life changing. i simply can't convey that in a blog, nor have i fully processed and absorbed the thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart. it will be a long road to come to the place where i understand today.
The first part was a talk from a man named Jedidiah. For those of you reading this who know him, it's self explanatory. Jed has a reputation for being wholeheartedly and absolutely invested in each person he meets on tour, so much so that he remembered me after meeting me one time at the rescue in santa monica (which if you were there, you know the total chaos that came with it). his talk was about just that: investing in people. This gripped me immediately, because i KNOW i have a heart for investing in people. in their story, in their hearts, in their lives. it's what makes me whole. and for an entire semester, i was told over and over each and every day that there is such a thing as investing too much and giving too much to one person, to one campaign, to one relationship. i was forced to believe this.
when you start to believe something you are told that goes against the truths you hold in your heart, it will break you.
today, i was redeemed. you can never invest too much. you can impact so many people's lives by investing in them, even if it ends up being negative and hurts you. you never will know how you may have changed that person. he spoke about insecurities, and how it is destroying us in every way possible. he spoke of his own, how he feels his love is devalued because it is so freely given. every word spoken was a much needed truth directly to my heart. which in itself, was an investment. here are the things he spoke to me.
1. Insecurity is the ultimately poision to humanity. Freeing yourself of those insecurities and that comparison frees your ability to love people, and let them love you. It will free your true personality.
2. "The love I have to give is not devalued just because it is given so freely to everyone, with the same intensity. It is unique and important and special to each and every person, I just may not always feel like it is appreciated as much as it really should be.
3. You are robbing Invisible Children of something they deeply need if you are not who you truly are.
Obviously that last one applies mostly to the interns working here, but it applies to any scenario in life. You are where you are for a reason. You bring something unique and special to the table that nobody else in the room will, and if you pretend to be anything else than that you are robbing people of that one thing. Think about that. That was a big one for me to think about, and even bigger to attempt to accept. It gives value and purpose to those who feel like they are nothing, because it shows us that no matter what it is, we are something. fjakdfjakfdlda. i needed that.
Next, I struggled. Hard. Laren gave us the history of the war part 2. My heart broke over and over again for these people. Everything gets messy, it gets complicated, you find out that key officials living in exile in countries like the united states-YES the united states-and england are funding the LRA because of a deeply rooted political bitterness. (I will devote an entire blog simply to the war itself, I promise--I've studied it for two straight nights now) It hurts my heart. Then reading articles about the conflicts in Sudan and the Congo and CAR and learning that they are rooted in the same types of issues, with the very same problems, makes me feel very powerless. They've had us practice over and over being confronted with the question "what makes you think you can end this war?" when we have to humbly answer, we don't know. But we have to try. It's overwhelming to know that ending this war in Uganda may not guarantee another will not start. It makes you feel worthless. And this is where I hit the wall. Even though we feel powerless, we are given our purpose and our job and our focus for this tour. Now, while all the details can't be revealed--we have a very different focus for this tour invisible children has not pursued in this past, and we now have a political stake in our pursuits. when Laren revealed what we are supporting and what we are pushing, I blatantly disagreed. (More details later, when we are allowed to discuss this publically) Absolutely disagreed. How can I stand before people, pushing this bill, asking for their money, when I myself--as a Christian, which is my main issue--disagree? I talked to a staff member who was a former roadie named Nate, and he told me that he literally had a plane ticket in his hand to quit his job and leave because of these same reservations. I asked what changed his mind. He gave me two things.
1. Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Google it. Read it. Anything you can. It's fantastic.
2. He talked about sacrifice. If we believe in this cause, and believe in this greater good of helping these kids--(and more specifically for me, rebuilding our 11 partner schools), Margy's deeper yes, then there will be times when we have to sacrifice ourselves, our own pursuits and our own agendas and lay aside our own reservations or we will not see these kids come home. Nate said, "If I do something that stops or hinders these efforts because I disagree politically, another child will die."
It's something I'm still very much struggling with and very much wrestling with. And I expect to for awhile. Which is such such such a good challenge. One I'm ready for.
********THIS PART WILL CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE. READ THIS.************
Finally, the last session of the day was a talk directly from Jason Russell called "The ABCDs of Life and the Power of Your Story". For anyone not aware, Jason is one of the founders of IC as well as a filmmaker responsible for all the life changing media. I can't paraphrase this talk at ALL, so I'm just going to post some key quotes he gave us that REALLY spoke to my heart. And he used music. Which always gets huge points with me. I recorded the whole talk, if anyone wants to hear the entire thing. I highly suggest it.
This is a very powerful man, a very very amazing man--who took the time to speak to each of us. And came before us as someone humble and vulnerable (I mean, he cried. Several times. And showed us his cheesy proposal video. And introduced us to his children. Oh--and talked about his sex life, but that's a different story.) We can all learn so much from Jason's story, and yet his point was how every single person can talk the Jason out of Jason's and make that same sentence.
With that, here are his influential quotes.
You are more than you think you are.
He said this at least 5 times. Made me cry.
Our childhood fears and young adult pains are the hardest to get over. What happens to you at this age shapes the way you see your world.
Jason shared a lot with us about his struggle with depression, and his struggle to find meaning and purpose not only within the world--but within himself, and how he considered what he called "tragically final" options. For obvious reasons, many of you will understand why this spoke to me so deeply. To see that this man, who is very much like me, and faced very much the same walls I have, is changing the world. In so many ways. And he said,
When you start looking outside your own broken heart, your heart starts to be fulfilled.
ajfdkfdkfklafja oh my goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what a perfect quote. wow. I can't stress it enough. He then said, "As we are liberated from our own fears, our presence automatically liberates others". He talked a lot about how the only thing ever stopping us from doing what we want is fear, and how until we get over that fear we cannot truly help anyone else because we are not fully embracing who we are.
Jason encouraged me to know the answer to who I am and use that to change the world. I am now on that road. It was a direct challenge from a man who once struggled to find that place. And that is where I leave you. I am now on the path to finding out and knowing who I am, and what I am going to do in this world. My story, after being told for an entire semester how bad and devastating it was, how wrong, how broken, how "sick", how different I was, I am now being taught to embrace those struggles--that intense battle--the ultimate end from that, and the lessons learned. I am not ashamed of my story. This is who I am. Eventually, in some way, I will use it to change the world--even if just for one single person.
I challenge you to do the same.
Jason left us with a CS Lewis quote. The final point in Mere Christianity.
As long as your own personality is what you are bothering about you are not going to Him at all. The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether. Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it.
Borderline or not, our personalities are given to us by God and are uniquely our own. But as long as we are looking for them, we will not find it. We will hit the same walls over and over. Once we stop looking to find ourselves, and pour ourselves into something else--helping someone else--changing life for kids in Uganda--THATS when our true personalities and our true selves will be revealed to us. That's so exciting.
